Survive or Live?

via Daily Prompt: Survive

Hello everyone. I’m writing a new post after a few days. I had my final semester-end exams till 23rd. I had been burning midnight oil for 7 consecutive days because I wanted to do well. That doesn’t leave out a lot of time to write. But, now I am free. I can lock the studious aspect of my personality for the next two months. That gives me plenty of time to tell you the story of my life.

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Today’s word prompt is very much connected to my life. It just sums up everything that has happened over the past 18 years. That’s what we all do everyday, consciously or unconsciously. Someone once said, “It’s the survival of the fittest.” In case of exams, the fittest is the one who is the most determined. You know, it’s hard to keep up when everyone around you have exceptional minds. We start the semester with a lot of ambitions: wanting sky-high grade points, participating in cultural events, having the time of your life with your friends and everything we missed out in school.

But, by the end of the semester, we all become like this.

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Surviving, it all comes down to that. Our professors are like, “Don’t spend too much time on it? Just ask for a ready-made project from your seniors.” We all go, “Send me the quiz you wrote.” or “Please complete my graph for me. I’ll buy you lunch for the next week.” Really? All the creative juices get evaporated in these survival missions. Exam phase is the worst.

The fact that you survived the lectures gives you a reassurance that you will make it past the exams. Nor really. When I used to study for my exams, every cell of my body plotted to distract me. And literally before one of them, my heart was beating like a drum. I was having trouble breathing. My body was shivering like crazy. I have a theory of why it was happening. It wasn’t nervousness because it was one of the easier exams.

I needed to calm down. So, despite knowing that I had a lot to study, I watched Scorpion. And I wrote a blog post the day before my Chemistry exam. People may think it isn’t the right thing to do. But, when I watch TV shows and movies, when I write, I feel like….I’m living. Not just surviving. I knew I had to survive the exams, but this time I couldn’t let myself forget that I needed to live too. The last time I let that slide, I lost myself. But that’s a secret for another time.

The minutes I took off my survival missions, they are the only moments I was me. They were the only moments I enjoyed being alive. The moments I spent doing what I wanted to, and not what I was supposed to. And I am going to continue to do this, no matter what others say.

My journey to reach where I am today has been a mountain climb. The day I started making decisions for myself has been the commencement point of the climb. Now, here I am, 5 years later, the peak still miles away. Now, when I look down at who I was when I started, I realise that I never want to be that person again. I’ve spent valuable time prepping myself to survive in this world. It took me pain and tears to realise that I need to live too.

If I could describe myself in one word, it would be balance. Everything in my life must have balance. Academic/Social life, Spices in my food, Sweetness in my desserts, Emotion/Logic in my behaviour, Control/Compromise in relationship with peers, pretty much everything. So, I need to find a balance between survival and living too. Everyone needs to do that.

Think about it, one day we will all find our place in the stars. Do you want to feel that you spent most of your life being perfect for this world that being perfect for yourself?

Saying this, I go from here.

 Survive

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